I Promise this Promise

Personal

Ever since I was a little kid, promises were something that I took very seriously. In my eyes, promises were binding agreements that put forward someones true and real intentions. If you didn’t have true intentions, you don’t make the promise. No false hope. True colours. Simple.

Not my photo

The problem with this is simply that because I recognize my promises to be truthful and timeless, I assumed that other people did too. And that is my own fault. I believed every promise I was ever told. I believed it, no matter its context. I believed the friendship promises, the reward promises, and the relationship ones too. And each broken promise hurt differently. Someone once said to me a version of “I was once made the same promises I made you and those were broken. So why do I have to keep mine with you?”. I wasn’t being regarded as my own person. Instead I was disposable because of a broken promise that once hurt him. This made me raise my guard. Some broken promises even made me question if I could ever really be loved and be someone’s wife someday.

A lady at work once told me that my heart was a naive one. When I looked at her, puzzled and in shock that she said that, she just looked at me totally calm and collected and said “not everyone has a pure heart like yours. People will make false promises in order to get what they want. People can be greedy. You, Natalie, are just too genuine. You fight to see the good in people even after they’ve wronged you. Your level of forgiveness and compassion is rare, but it’s your biggest weakness. Don’t play the fool in your own story”

She told me that back in August 2018. For months I didn’t believe her. How could my heart be naive? Yet time and time again, I would think about our conversation. Something kept drawing me back to it. Maybe she was right. The fact is that i’ll never know if people really stand behind the promises they make with me. But what I do know, is that my promises are real and I keep them.

So, I promise this promise…

For those that have wronged me in the past, I promise to try to forgive you at my own pace. If I can’t forgive you, I promise that I tried but couldn’t see past the events that unfolded and the emotions elicited.

For those that I call my best friends, I promise to look out for your best interests and be present at any moment you need me. I promise to be a shoulder for you to cry on when you need someone there. I promise to bring you laughter when you’re feeling down. I promise to answer your phone calls at 3 a.m. I promise to just be there for you as best as I can be.

To my family, I promise to make you proud. I promise to be more involved in everyones lives. I promise to love each and everyone of you so unconditionally and whole heartedly.

To my future self, I promise to never stop fighting for you. I promise that you will reach your goals. I promise that you will end up right where you’re destined to be.